HAVING a baby is a wonderful thing. Most parents-to-be have read every article under the sun that describes, in detail, how blessed they are and how parenthood is amazing and wonderful and every other positive adjective in the English dictionary.
The outward joy of parenting often masks the internal suffering and confusion so many new parents face. For 20, 30 or 40 years you have been just you, or you have been a couple, and suddenly there is a new person in the equation. A living, breathing, cries-at-any-opportunity, person.
These are the 10 things I think new parents should know, for no other reason than to help them prepare for what is to come.
1. The last month of pregnancy is hard for everyone
The last month of pregnancy is by far the longest. Mum-to-be and dad-to-be are both anxious and excited. Mum is uncomfortable and dad is scared. Everyone is counting the days, minutes and seconds until the baby arrives.
2. Birth is also hard
Do not watch movies before giving birth, they will give you a false sense of hope. This is coming from someone who went to see Knocked Up before I gave birth. Bad idea. Birth is nothing like the movies. No matter whether you have a vaginal birth or a C-section birth will be draining and hard on your body. Ninety-nine per cent of us won’t be out showing off our baby 12 hours after birth, Kate Middleton-style.
3. The baby blues exist
It’s a few days after birth. Just when you think you’re starting to slowly work out how this baby thing works, BAM the water works hits, or the yelling, or both. Basically, you are travelling down the freeway of hormone highway. You feel down and sometimes depressed and it’s probably the hardest few days of the first month.
4. You will never be the same person
No, I’m not saying you won’t go back to work or follow your own dreams, hopefully you will, but you will do all of the things on your life list with a different priority. No parent will ever return to be being exactly who they were before having a child. Yes, you are still you, but you’re the version of you that is a parent, and, no, it’s not a bad thing.
5. Advice will be thrown at you left, right and centre and you need to understand no two babies are the same
Every baby is different. Every single one. Your baby will do things when he or she is ready to. The advice given to you by Aunt Nelly or the your token mum friend Julie won’t necessarily work for you. Trust your gut.
6. You may not fall in love with your baby instantly
OK, ladies and gentleman. It’s time for some blunt honesty. Not everyone falls instantly in love with his or her baby and this is totally normal. Like any relationship, it may take time to get to know each other.
7. You will be judged
Vaginal birth versus C-section. Bottle versus breast. Co-sleeping versus cot. Stay-at-home-mum versus working mum. Dad’s surname versus mum’s. No matter what choices you make, you will be judged. It’s a sad reality but it’s the truth.
8. No one cares about your baby as much as you do
Yes, he or she is the most amazing thing to ever happen to you but that’s just it, it happened to YOU. No one will ever care as much as you do about baby pictures or milestones or poo stories. Except maybe grandmas; they seem to care a fair bit.
9. It goes so fast
It’s a cliche, I know, and I’m sorry but I couldn’t write this list and not include it. It’s been eight years since I first felt a little kick in my tummy and it still feels like yesterday. You blink and they’re walking and you blink again and they’re at school. It just flies. Please enjoy it while they are little.
10. It’s worth all the pain for what you get in return
I prefaced this list by telling you how hard parenthood is and that wasn’t a lie. It is hard. But it’s a pain that has a reward. And it’s the best reward of all. The tears, the confusion and the terror every single bit of it is worth it when you realise you are successful raising a human. You’re parents! If that’s not the best reward ever, I don’t know what is.
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