You just filed for divorce and you're feeling overwhelmed. After being married for so many years, getting used to the idea that you're no longer together is hard.
You try detaching yourself from the situation in the hopes that it'll help you move on, but you know that the reality is that your ex will always be around because of your kids.
You argue constantly, which just succeeds in reminding you why you're getting a divorce in the first place.
When you're caught up in the moment, it's easy to forget that your divorce doesn't just affect you, but your kids as well. That's what makes having an amicable divorce that much more crucial.
Authors John Gray and Charles J. Orlando, Relationship Help Doctor Rhoberta Shaler, Shannon Rios Paulsen LMFT, and Jennifer Maddox LCSW discuss different mistakes that you must avoid making at all costs. Protect your kids from going through an even more heartbreaking experience.
1. Take responsibility for your marriage ending.
Shannon stresses that you must hold yourself accountable for what happened between the two of you. She says "When you're not responsible, you play the blame game. [...] Well, you have to bring it to yourself and say 'What was my role in this?' Because if you don't do that, you can't learn, you can't grow, you can't create the next level best relationship."
2. Don't EVER bash your ex, especially in front of the kids.
We know it's incredibly tempting to lash at your ex about every grievance during your marriage, but it'll only hurt you and your kids in the end. John raises the excellent point that "it's hard to say nice things about [your ex but] you have to be motivated to. And the motivation is your children. [...] You look at these innocent little children, and half of that child is daddy, and [the other half] is mommy."
3. Constantly arguing puts your kids in a tough spot.
You may think that you're being subtle, but your kids can sense when something's not right. Don't ever put them in the awkward position of having to listen to you two fight.
There are countless other mistakes that couples often make when getting a divorce that could just as easily be avoided. You can check out the video for the rest of them and make sure that you're not in danger of repeating them.
You try detaching yourself from the situation in the hopes that it'll help you move on, but you know that the reality is that your ex will always be around because of your kids.
You argue constantly, which just succeeds in reminding you why you're getting a divorce in the first place.
When you're caught up in the moment, it's easy to forget that your divorce doesn't just affect you, but your kids as well. That's what makes having an amicable divorce that much more crucial.
Authors John Gray and Charles J. Orlando, Relationship Help Doctor Rhoberta Shaler, Shannon Rios Paulsen LMFT, and Jennifer Maddox LCSW discuss different mistakes that you must avoid making at all costs. Protect your kids from going through an even more heartbreaking experience.
1. Take responsibility for your marriage ending.
Shannon stresses that you must hold yourself accountable for what happened between the two of you. She says "When you're not responsible, you play the blame game. [...] Well, you have to bring it to yourself and say 'What was my role in this?' Because if you don't do that, you can't learn, you can't grow, you can't create the next level best relationship."
2. Don't EVER bash your ex, especially in front of the kids.
We know it's incredibly tempting to lash at your ex about every grievance during your marriage, but it'll only hurt you and your kids in the end. John raises the excellent point that "it's hard to say nice things about [your ex but] you have to be motivated to. And the motivation is your children. [...] You look at these innocent little children, and half of that child is daddy, and [the other half] is mommy."
3. Constantly arguing puts your kids in a tough spot.
You may think that you're being subtle, but your kids can sense when something's not right. Don't ever put them in the awkward position of having to listen to you two fight.
There are countless other mistakes that couples often make when getting a divorce that could just as easily be avoided. You can check out the video for the rest of them and make sure that you're not in danger of repeating them.
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