Yes, You Should Actually Do This At Work.

ELLEN can point to the exact moment when her career really took off.

“I had been working for nearly six months on a website project my boss was going to kill prior to its launch,” reveals the 32-year-old marketing manager, who asked that a pseudonym be used for professional reasons.

“And I cried. I knew the site could work and be successful to our overall strategy, and I knew I was willing to give 110 per cent to prove it. My boss agreed to keep it going, it got the results we wanted ... and I got promoted a few months later.”

It used to be that crying was akin to career suicide. But now, career experts agree that, when used judiciously, breaking down in the office just might help you climb the corporate ladder.

“More than ever, workplaces strive for emotional intelligence and authenticity from their leaders,” notes Michelle McQuaid, workplace trainer and author of Your Strengths Blueprint: How to Be Engaged, Energized, and Happy at Work.

“Crying invokes a natural empathy and desire to help others. But like any extreme expression of emotion, it needs to be used sparingly, or else you’ll risk losing confidence and trust from co-workers.” Here’s when it’s OK to cry — and when you should save the waterworks for after hours.

WHEN TO LET THEM OUT AT THE OFFICE ...

When you care a lot. The phrase “blood, sweat, and tears” is a cliche for a reason. Pouring a ton of time into a specific project can heighten emotions. If you find your voice wavering when describing the impact or potential of a major project, ask yourself if your emotions will build others’ trust in you or erode it, suggests McQuaid. When they’re genuine and appropriate (for example, in relaying a heartstring-tugging anecdote or story from a client), the tears can help prove your passion and commitment.

When everyone else is upset. Crying brings people together, so being the only one with a poker face when your boss presents an emotion-infused PowerPoint isn’t winning you any points, say experts. You don’t need to fake them if you’re not feeling them, but acknowledging something is sad with a comment or a facial expression goes a long way toward showing you’re a team player.

When you’re going through a tough time. If a relative or close friend is sick or has passed away, your boss wants to know, says Carly Drum, managing director of Drum Associates, a New York City executive-search firm. “It’s a lot worse, as a boss, to think something is wrong and not know the reason why their employee is upset than to witness a few tears,” says Drum. Brief your boss on what’s going on at home, but Drum adds that employees need to be judicious about what constitutes a crisis in your manager’s eyes (in other words, keep the fact your Tinder date disappeared after date number four to yourself).

... AND WHEN THEY BELONG IN THE BATHROOM

When you’re angry. Your boss denies the promotion you’ve expected for months. In the moment, crying seems a lot more acceptable than the cursing out you really want to give — but both behaviours are equally unprofessional, says Richie Frieman, etiquette expert and author of Reply All ... And Other Ways to Tank Your Career. “This is a situation when you need to get out of the office ASAP,” says Frieman, who suggests leaving the building and going for a walk. “Even if your boss knows exactly what you’re about to do, he or she will respect the fact that you’re taking actions to contain yourself.”

When you’ve been criticised. “It reads as manipulative,” cautions Drum. “In the short term, you may receive less criticism, because your boss simply doesn’t want to deal with the drama. But you’ll also receive less responsibility, and won’t be able to grow.” That said, sometimes you can’t control your emotions. Working with a career coach or a therapist — or even just role-playing a worst-case scenario with a friend — are all ways to help you feel more in control of your tears. Another trick: Schedule a regular check-in with your supervisor to review areas of strength and areas that need work. They will make you less likely to feel blindsided come formal review time, suggests McQuaid.




When you’re tired. A recent study from the University of Arkansas found that a lack of sleep may lead to enhanced emotional responses. Burning the midnight oil? Just knowing you may be more likely to overreact can stop a cryfest before it starts, says McQuaid. “Understand you’re going to be more emotional than usual, and come up with strategies to calm yourself down,” suggests McQuaid, whether that’s going for coffee with a co-worker, scrolling through Instagram in your cubicle — or making time to cry it out when you’re not on the clock.